Entry 12 – Surrounded by Pillars, Living the Dream – Mark Hanze 9/3/2025

From My Healing Project / Four Pillar Foundation:
Recovery • Spiritual Awakening • Karma Yoga • Academic Growth

Raw Entry

I’m sitting back on the couch, looking at surroundings in awe. I’m surrounded by spirituality, academics, recovery, and karma yoga. I know pride is an attachment, but I’ve never basked in an environment like this that I can truly call my own. I’ve had chances before, there were a few flashes in the pan, but either I dropped the ball, the rug got pulled out, or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. And yes, I did drop the ball a lot. But here I am.

The sun shines through the windows. Plants are thriving, bigger than ever, reaching toward the light. There is spaciousness here, elbow room. Rent & bills in check. Freezer, fridge, cupboards stocked. Self-care items cover the spectrum. The place isn’t perfect — a little disorganized, but not dirty. Beds made, clothes mostly organized or hung. The floors vacuumed and mopped, the Bathroom and kitchen thoroughly cleaned earlier this week/weekly.

It’s like living a dream. What makes it cosmic is this: the Stumbler’s whisper is so faint now it’s like a passing car in the distance — hardly noticed, irrelevant background noise.

Expanded Retelling

This evening I feel the grace of integration. For years I dreamed of an environment that would hold me steady in my growth, but I always seemed to drop the ball or watch the chance slip away. Now, the environment reflects the healing I’ve worked for: sunlight, plants, cleanliness, order, provision, and space. It isn’t about pride in possessions, it’s about recognizing the harmony of inner and outer life.

The Stumbler used to have me by the throat — dictating chaos, scattering my focus, draining my resources. Tonight, its voice is so faint that it blends into the background of life, like a car passing on the road outside. My attention is no longer stolen. I can rest in awe, grateful that the pillars are not abstract ideals, but lived realities shaping the room around me.

Pillar Tie-Back

• Recovery 🌱: The Stumbler’s whisper is weaker than ever — recovery is embodied not just in abstinence, but in the stability of environment and rhythm.
• Spiritual Awakening 🕉️: Awe arises naturally — sunlight, plants, and spaciousness are mirrors of the Beloved’s presence.
• Academic Growth 📚: The order in my home reflects the structure I now bring to study. Even the bookshelf and study sheets are part of the atmosphere.
• Karma Yoga 🙏: Self-care becomes service — by tending to my space, I prepare myself to show up more fully for others.

🗺️ Melodrama Map

Characters on Stage:
👁️ Witness – Watching in awe, seated in gratitude.
🌿 Nourisher-Home – Archetype of environment as support.
🌀 Stumbler – Barely audible, faded into background noise.
☀️ Sunlight – Symbol of grace and presence.
🌱 Growing Plants – Archetype of steady, organic expansion.

Conflict: Old chaos of stumbling vs. the newfound steadiness of environment.
Resolution: Harmony achieved — external space reflects inner recovery.
Lesson: When vigilance meets devotion, the home itself becomes a temple.

📌 Registry Update

• Added: 🌿 Nourisher-Home – Archetype of environment as anchor and reflection of inner healing.
• Updated: 🌀 Stumbler – Diminished, reduced to faint background noise.

✨ Anchor Highlight

When my surroundings reflect the four pillars, awe arises naturally — and the Stumbler fades into irrelevance.