Dear family and friends,
The impending surgery is getting heavier as the pre-op appointments come to pass, and the day of reckoning draws near. I am feeling the impermanence of life. I find myself moving through pockets of panic and anxiety, through joyous memories and painful regrets, and even the recent development of hives — the body’s reminder of how stress and cortisol ripple through the system.
I'm mostly grounded, trying to see all of this through the eye of the Witness, through Christ consciousness, through Buddha mind — right action, right effort, and mindfulness of the gravity, yet unbound by attachment to the drama or outcome as this moment plays itself out.
Still, though, I am human and my human heart is breaking — both literally and figuratively.
My resolve and faith remain strong. I’m deeply grateful for these past few years of clarity and have come to understand what grace it is to begin Awakening in the midst of a human incarnation.
From where I'm sitting, whether the weeks ahead go as planned or not, I rest assured there is never any peace to make with God. Everything has always unfolded according to divine law. Each soul must traverse its own path of becoming, and we are all part of the dance — the Lila, the play.
Undoubtedly, because of veiled predicaments preceding birth, my soul had to journey this karmic path to dilute that veil, to begin Awakening to who I am in truth, and to realize the Divine manifestation unfolding in existence.
This is the birth where that recognition finally took root. Every wakeful breath, and subsequent births from here forward can only continue that journey toward God.
Should grace grant me more years, the reconciliation most needed is within myself. May they be spent in forgiveness, service, wonder, and to live whatever time remains in awareness and love.
When Deanna and Justin are ready to hear a message from me, I would like for them to know that they are my greatest strength — and, at times, have been the only thread of light to carry me forward.
To my dearest Deanna and Justin,
Even through years of absence, space, and silence, the love we shared when you were young carried me through the darkest days of my life. I am endlessly grateful for that time, and deeply sorry it didn't continue as initially intended. It is my greatest hope to reconnect.
In recent years, spiritual study and practice — mostly in Christ consciousness and Buddha’s Four Noble Truths — guide me to rise above the chaos. Yogic meditation methods keep me grounded and in a space of love. The study of academic sciences keeps me occupied and engaged — a way of connecting the dots between the tangible and the transcendent, where lived experience meets spiritual solace.
Through poets and mystics like Kabir, Rumi, Bly, Whitman, Mary Oliver, Hirshfield, and so many others, their words shape new perspectives while enhancing clarity and momentum.
Books such as The Tao Te Ching, The Bhagavad Gita, The Third Patriarch of Zen: Hsin Hsin Ming, and teachings passed down through our family lineage — Catholicism and Judaism — offer profound inspiration and guidance on the path.
In closing, I wish to share this phrase by the great mystic-poet - Kabir:
“Do what you do with another human being —
but never put them out of your heart.”
— Kabir
From that, a most valuable lesson I work with is this: however I deal with the past, present, people I must face, and in the quietest moments — while simply resting in “I Am” — I do it all in the presence of God. Through the eye of that lens opens a spacious, quiet witnessing of consciousness to practice kindness and respect in all interactions, and without letting anyone, including myself, become a source of anger or hatred in the heart.
Please know that my love, gratitude, and peace are with you all — now and always.
Love,
Mark